I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
