By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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