SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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