awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
