I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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