he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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