She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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