Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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