Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
