You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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