Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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