and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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