Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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