Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
