There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
