He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
