this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
