Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are the jesus of drinking
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
