it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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