I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
