Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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