you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
