yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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