Christians are straight up FREAKS
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
