Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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