dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
