my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
