sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
