i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
