I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
