I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
