look no pants
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
