I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
