fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
