you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
