Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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