They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
