i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
