I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
