I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
