I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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