I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
