Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
