If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize