How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
