im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
