im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
BRING THE BAGELS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
