I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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