FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am one with the molecules
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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