Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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